Stars Don’t Feel Bad When They Shine


I focused and planned to draw a single card today. Asking about a representation for myself, my focus, my future self … and I drew the Star.

The Star card from the Major Arcana has been revealed as a depiction of myself many times before. The image on the card in several decks is of a woman holding two pitchers that are spilling over with water while her gaze is distracted by something we (the card viewer) cannot see. In the Everyday Witch deck, the women has her hands extended, one to the sky and one to the ground, and energy pours out of her from the fingertips on both hands in colourful wavy streams. Her gaze is still off in the distance, but it’s a different expulsion of attention and energy.

The Star is my favourite card. No matter what deck, the imagery is always stunning. It means a transition from chaos into calm is on the horizon. The questioner can expect to feel inspired, or invigorated. A lesser caution implies importance to maintain personal energy to avoid additional unnecessary stress. Basically it’s saying relax.

To me personally, the Star means the work is never done, but it’s important to remember to take time out, step back, make myself a priority. The last few months have been hectic. I got married. My sister’s home burned down. I worked from home while managing my sister’s school schedule and course contributions for over two months. My husband got injured and had to take time off from work in order to rest. My brother has been affected by stressful interactions with his friends and family. And on top of it all, I had taken a second job to help ends meet and after weeks of stress and no personal time, I decided to take a reprieve from it (possibly indefinitely) in order to look after myself.

Now, a month later … things are finally starting to slow down. I’ve stopped crying whenever I’m alone. I’m finally sleeping at night again. But emotionally, I’m a drawn bow string. Taut and ready to rapid-fire respond to any issue that arises.

I’m feeling better, but I’m not doing better. And honestly, I don’t know how to find my way back to myself after weeks of chaos.

I know how to handle everything that is thrown at me without pausing. I can walk into any situation, or react to the unexpected, without a second thought. Effort, management, work, crisis-control, raging-strangers … I know what to do. I’ve had to look after other people since I was five years old. I’ve had to answer to persons who were violent and impulsive for my entire life. Knowing how to react is a natural part of me I cannot explain.

But knowing how to find my way back to myself when the dust settles is still a mystery.

I feel guilty when I take time for myself. I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough. That I can be better. I can do better. My best is not good enough. Tomorrow is another chance to improve …

Stars don’t feel bad when they shine. The feelings I’m having are imposed on me from the external forces of the strain I’ve been under. I am whole, I am well, and I’m doing wonderful. Keep shining.

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